Ups and downs

Getting started is really hard. Every night I'm gung ho to get out there and "just do it". But the morning comes and I'm thinking about all the work that is piling up, how stressed I am, how far away I am and I don't do it.

Oh, I'm making modest gains. I ran/walked 3.0 miles Monday on the treadmill. Sadie and I did a quick half mile this morning around the neighborhood. It is still unseasonably warm for November and Sadie loves going through everyone's leaf piles at the curb. Her legs are so short that when she jumps in, she usually is below the top of the leaf mound and she hops out sneezing and sniffing from all the leaf dust in her nose. But that doesn't stop her from hopping in the next pile. All the careful work of my neighbors to create tall, neat piles is for nought as the little whirlwind streaks through, smashing the piles in her wake. The City picked up leaves in our neighborhood today. She is going to be distraught when we next get out there. Her only consolation is that the leaves are still falling, so future fun awaits. I envy her ability to romp and play and have so much fun without any dread of what the day will bring. Ok, I do know she's a dog. But she is clearly delighted at all the wonderful world all about her.

But I am not delighted. My job is driving me particularly crazy right now. We've been short handed for so long, I can't remember what normal is. We finally make an offer to someone and my boss goes crazy - we've picked the wrong person, business is slowing and we'll have to lay her off, I should hire someone at a higher level and eliminate two people. I know he's worried about the economy, particularly after we've had such a run of mediocre years, but he's wearing me down. And he sounds like my dad used to, talking like we're getting ready to have to apply for food stamps if my mother spends one more dime.

I work all kinds of hours and when I go home, I want a glass of wine - that turns into a bottle - and plenty of gooey, carb-laden foods. The next morning, I get up, but I don't get up ready to work out. I resolve every morning to not have anything to drink that night and to eat a balanced, healthy dinner. Then I come in to work and start getting hammered for every thing that is wrong, or perceived to be wrong and by the time 5:00 comes I start looking forward to going home and having a glass of wine, a carb-heavy dinner and watching TV and just vegging out. It has become a vicious circle.

I'm toying with the idea of getting the doctor to prescribe me some of those antidepressants she's always pushing, just to see if they make a difference. I've always told the doctors that I'm not a depressed person. Dad raised us to be the "suck it up" type; we needed to "play the hand we're dealt". But I'm beginning to believe that attitude is elitist. If I would be better off taking drugs, I should at least consider them. I'll mull on that for a while.

Here's the Deal

I'll go ahead and declare right now that I'm going to do another marathon. Yeah, me. The same person that isn't running a lick, is going to do another marathon.

I signed up for New York back in the spring, but didn't make the cut. This would have been the year to run too, what with Lance running. But, I didn't get picked. Once I found that out, I didn't run another step. I wasn't even running before entering the marathon lottery. I have not been able to get back the desire since I ran Chicago back in '01.

But lately, little by little, the desire has been coming back. I want to do one more, just to see if I can do well. John's cousin made me aware that a 70 year old nun beat me in Chicago. Hey, she didn't have kids to wear her down. She probably has the body of a 30-something, never having had children!

I think I can take an hour off my PR. I've learned a lot more about training in the last year. I know that I won't necessarily fade if my heart rate gets elevated and I'll just have to learn how long I can maintain that elevated rate. I've been strength training and have a lot more power than I used to. So what that I'll be six years older? I still won't be anywhere near 70. And maybe I can run faster than a 70 year old this time.

Besides, I like adventure vacations! What better place to have an adventure than New York City? Well, actually, there are better places to have adventures, but NYC certainly ranks right up there in the top 10 destination cities. There'll be lots of sight-seeing and dining oportunities and it is an historic race. I'm going to enter again!

Yesterday, while the marathon highlights were Tivo-ing, Miss Sadie and I did our run/walk. Truthfully, right now it is more walk than run, but I've got an entire year. Our standard route includes hills and flats. The hills have enough incline to get the heart rate up a little and the flats offer an opportunity to try a little speedwork. Traffic is normally light. The only thing that will really slow our training is that Sadie prefers to sniff than to run. She'll go along with me for a while, but sometimes she just digs in those paws and insists on smelling the "roses".

I really fault her for ending my training. Well, really, I was hurt after Chicago . . . no it was really after DC. I just kept "training through the pain" so that I really was hurt after Chicago. When I got her in 2002, I was looking for a running dog. The fact that her breed are natural herders does not mean that they like to run for great distances. She's more a short burst type of dog. So we ended up walking more than running and eventually, we ended up not running at all.

I've been active the entire time though. It isn't like I'm totally out of shape. Of course, I put on some weight, actually a lot of weight . . . I really need to lose 30 pounds. But I do ride my bicycle. We did two separate week-long bicycle trips this year, both with lots of climbing. Plus, I've been working with a trainer for about 8 months. I've got a decent base to start from. . . . . and a whole year!

So I'm declaring my intention to train for, enter and run the NYC marathon in 2007. Right now, I'm just going to assume that I'll win the lottery drawing and get in.

It seems like a sign. On our walk/run yesterday I wore my GPS for the first time. The distance from my driveway and back again was 2.62 miles. Heck, I only have to run that times 10!